it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
