New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
