you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
