so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
