I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I am mentally ready for anal.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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