dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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