I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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