someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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