6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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