I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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