Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
