We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
