If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
