i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
