The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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