Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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