thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
