Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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