My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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