ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
