I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
