peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
