this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
