FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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