Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
