Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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