Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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