I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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