you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
