remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
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I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
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My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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