I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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