I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
