Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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