i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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