I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
