I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
