so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Ketchup is God's man juice
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
