i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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