just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
