my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
