I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
