Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
