If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
