worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
