I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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