Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
