Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
