Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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