I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
