Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
