Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
