After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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