I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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