Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
