So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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