where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
