the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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