whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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