I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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