I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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