called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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