I wish I could teleport
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
