hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
