My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
