He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
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I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
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Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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