...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
