I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
