his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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