Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
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