kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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