Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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