I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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